Why is it so hard to adopt for some people and effortless for others ?
This week was a week of celebration for a young couple that posted on our chosenparentsadoptions.com site . The husband and wife had been together since high school, and knew since before their wedding that they could not have biological children . So, at the end of 2019 they finished their home study and we posted their profile last week.
The week before they were posted a woman that was due to give birth in 3 weeks had contacted us. She was having a healthy Caucasian baby boy . She stated that there had been no drugs , alcohol or smoking during her pregnancy , and her medical records showed testing that was negative for all substances . . The father was with her, and supportive of adoption. They had successfully placed a newborn for adoption 2 years ago. We were the same service that she had used at that time, and it had a very happy ending .
“Laurie” was referred to one of our attorneys and she chose a family that had been trying to adopt for several years. After much discussion , they realized that they were not willing to adopt without a guarantee that she had never had any substance abuse during her pregnancy , We , of course , could not guarantee that , and no one ever could, so we let them know that we could not work with them , and we let “Laurie” know that the family that she had chosen was not willing to move forward. This family had adopted a child previously that had learning disabilities, and they felt that it was due to drug exposure . Their fears of this recurring were not allowing them to proceed, and their past experience kept them unable to commit .
Her next choice was a couple that had had several horrible cases. Three to be exact , and each one of them cost them time, emotion and money . The most recent case was in November . They were so emotionally damaged from the latest failure that they did not feel like they could move forward on another case. It was a very difficult decision for them , and hard on us as well when we so desperately want families that want to add to their families to have a happy ending . We let Laurie know that they just could not move forward and she chose a third family.
The third family saw the posting on our site and sent in their profile. Apparently they either did not read the writing in big red letters that requests that they do not send in their profile if they cannot afford to proceed. Or perhaps they did, but did not care about the request . Needless to say , after choosing them , they admitted that they could not afford to move forward , and Laurie was advised.
Family #4 was chosen and when Laurie asked to talk to them , it was not a good time as they had guests. She took that as a personal rejection and stated that she felt like they didn’t really want a baby as much as their profile led her to believe, so she chose Family #5.
Family #5 , similar to the second family , had three failures. They would have moved forward emotionally , but financially they were no longer able to. Tragically , the cases that did not work out for them , were now the reason that they were unable to move forward on the case that would have worked.
Laurie, by now, was distraught. She had chosen 5 families . Her and the father were wondering if adoption was the right choice for them. Was this a message ? We mentioned the new couple that was posted that morning . After looking at them , they realized that they were the perfect family for their baby.
He was born today . A beautiful, healthy baby boy. The young couple arrived at the hospital shortly after his birth, approximately 10 days after they had their profile posted. We are very happy for this couple who will never really know how heartbreaking and difficult adopting a healthy newborn can be, but our hearts hurt for those that could have….if only…