Chosen Parents Adoptions is pleased to announce the introduction of Gestational Surrogacy and Embryo Adoption to our program . We are currently gathering contact information from interested parties and we will continue communication as our program evolves. Those interested can send an email to [email protected]
Years ago when only yellow page advertising was available, and online advertising was just in the very early stages, , while in the San Antonio area, I opened the yellow pages under the ” adoption” heading to see which agencies were actively advertising . I did this often in order to make sure that my company was being competitive in our advertising efforts . .
The “abortion” heading was usually only a page ahead of the “adoption ” heading , and I glanced at a large full page ad under “abortion services ‘. When I arrived at the adoption page I saw another full page ad that caught my attention because the company name and the colors and format of the ad were so familiar . I went back to the abortion ad that I had glanced at . The ads , as well as the company names were almost identical with one advertising that they did abortions, and the other advertising that they were an adoption agency . I found this to be very disturbing so I called the adoption agency that was advertising , and asked them if they were one and the same as the abortion clinic. The woman that answered was obviously nervous and fumbled with her words, initially talking in circles without actually answering my question , and finally admitted that yes, the same people that owned the abortion clinic owned the adoption agency . “But “, she said, nervously , ” They are two separate corporations”, as if this statement detached the businesses significantly . I realized that she was unaccustomed to people calling her and asking that question. No doubt very few people had put two and two together. I wondered if she answered both incoming lines, and if so did she ever accidentally get them confused ? I believe this company still exists, but that they have changed their format so that people will no longer discover this.
This incident followed me. The thought of women going in for a termination , only to find out that they are too far along in the pregnancy , so they were shuffled over to the adoption agency . Someone did not want to miss an opportunity to make a profit off of this baby. I personally found this to be egregious. How can someone be both Pro Family and Pro -Choice ? It was difficult for me to accept or wrap my mind around.
To this day , I see adoption agencies state that they are PRO -CHOICE . These are large agencies with stellar reputations. Yes, there are a lot of adoption services these days that aim to be politically correct . They do not want to offend anyone . We respect your opinion , and we would never discriminate against anyone for their views . It has just always been hard to understand, though , how an adoption service whose purpose is to help to create families could be Pro- Choice and proud of it . , I find it disturbing to even write the “other ” word that starts with the letter “a” and ends with “tion” , so hard to understand how the thought can be so easily encompassed by the same people that celebrate births of adopted babies. For some reason , whenever I see the websites of these services proudly touting their position , I am reminded of the abortion/adoption service in San Antonio. Yes, I know that they are not actually doing abortions, but I think just having those words on the adoption site brings my thoughts back to that .. the correlation of the two “services” . Even if those that work there are Pro-Choice … does the corporation itself have to advertise that they are ? Women that are going to their site are exploring adoption not termination . It is hard to understand why they find it important to announce their views . I suppose , though , that if it is , for whatever reason , important for an adoption service to advertise their views, that we should do the same . Chosen Parents Adoptions is PRO- LIFE.
One of the families that used our service experienced a heart wrenching adoption failure wherein the baby was taken back after the adopting parents had him for a week. The mother , Lauren , put her feelings in writing and we felt that it was , although very sad, beautifully written , and oh so emotional . With her permission , we are sharing it.
This beautiful boy broke our hearts wide open when he was born (Tuesday, March, 24th at 9:35am) exactly one week ago today! Chance and I gave him the name, Lochlan. 💙
Shortly after we got the call that we were officially matched to adopt Lochlan (New Year’s Eve, 2019-best NYE ever!) we began lovingly preparing his nursery. Chance created beautiful paintings of an elephant (my favorite animal) and a lion (for my Dad and my friend Danny who both passed in recent months, they were both Leos). Chance was careful to make the faces look extra kind, because that’s just the kind of Dad that Chance is. He wanted Lochlan to be surrounded with art, positive energy and love.
Music is my love language, so I immediately started curating a playlist of songs that reminded me of Lochlan and of us. I also asked his birth parents what their favorite songs were to add to the list. I would listen to the playlist every day and tweak the order, while I spoke to Lochlan’s spirit and cried tears of joy in anticipation of his arrival. Whenever I spoke to him I could feel him in my heart.
We put a lot of time and effort into developing a consistent and beautiful bond with his birth parents. We talked multiple times per day and visited them in person. It was always our intention to have an open adoption. It was important to all of us that Lochlan know how much love and care went into making this plan for him.
We prayed each and every night for the health of Lochlan’s birth parents and for his safe and peaceful delivery. When he was born he had to be resuscitated. The hospital called to tell us that he would need to be transferred to the NICU, but by the time we got to the hospital he was thriving. He was a fighter from the very start.
On Lochlan’s first night, I stayed overnight in the same room as his birth parents. At the time, I thought it was beautiful that they trusted me to stay with them. But I also acknowledge that it was hard and it was complicated to hold the complexity of our enmeshed emotions in that shared space. On the one hand, I felt heartbroken for them and their anticipatory grief, but selfishly I felt joy, love and hope for me and Chance-our boy was here! I wanted so badly to kiss Lochlan’s face and tell him everything I was feeling, but I knew I had to be sensitive to their conflicting emotions. Instinctively, I created a tiny boundary that night.
(Chance wasn’t allowed to visit-due to hospital restrictions, so he met his son for the first time on FaceTime. I can’t imagine how hard it was for him to not be there with us￼. But he selflessly prepared a family sized portion of pasta for me and the birth parents and dropped it at the hospital entrance, because if you didn’t know already my husband is a living saint).
That night, I stayed awake for 24 hours watching Lochlan and caring for him while his birth parents slept. It was the most heart opening, exhausting and soul-stirring adrenaline rush I’ve ever felt in my life. It was in the quiet moments of this night that I was first able to whisper quietly to Lochlan that I loved him.
I spent the next night in the hospital with Lochlan. Just the two of us (and the incredibly warm nursing staff who showered us with attention, extra snacks for me and a full collection of beautiful little hats for Lochlan-I cry when I think of their kindness). Once we finally had a moment alone, one of the sweet nurses set Lochlan and me up for skin to skin contact and I cried the happiest tears I’ve ever known. Let’s be honest, I sobbed. I was overcome with emotion. I didn’t know I could love him so much, so soon. I was also overwhelmed at becoming a first-time mom, especially being there without Chance, but Lochlan literally held my hand while I anxiously changed his diapers and looked straight into my soul when I held him-which was every possible waking second. Through the night, with Lochlan’s trust, I learned that I can be patient, that I am much stronger than I ever gave myself credit for, and that my capacity for love is far greater than I ever dreamed possible.
After two beautifully full days, I was finally able to introduce Lochlan to Chance. This was a reunion I wish I could relive over and over again. After four years, two miscarriages, an adoption process and finally being matched with Lochlan: Chance was a Dad! And I’ve never seen a more loving father. I knew Chance would be great, but I’ve never admired him more. He is the strongest, most present and the most kindhearted man I’ve ever known.
Lochlan was with us for 7 divinely inspired days, until this morning, when we experienced the hardest thing I’ve ever had to endure in my life: We said goodbye to our baby. His birth parents changed their minds and we had no choice but to give Lochlan back to them.
As an adoptive parent you legally have no protection or rights until the birth parent(s) sign(s) a termination of their parental rights. We hired four attorneys (one to match us, one to represent birth mom, one for baby, and one for us-for finalization), an advertising agency, a pregnancy counselor for birth mom in her state, and an adoption worker in our state. And I’m sorry to say, but not one person that we hired could protect us through our process. We were and still are completely vulnerable. We sacrificed a lot to get to this point. We fought so hard with reason and passion to buy more time with Lochlan, but in the end we packed up our bags and are traveling home without the beautiful boy we prayed for, made space for and loved beyond comprehension.
Tonight, our hearts are actively breaking, but Chance and I both agree that even for just this one week with Lochlan, we’d take all of the pain and do it all over again. I hope that in our time together we were able to give Lochlan half as much love as he gave us.
I feel blessed that we had the chance to play him our favorite music, dance with him in our arms and whisper in his ears all of our secrets and best wishes. We told him more times than I can count how much we love him. We thanked him over and over again for trusting us, for his patience and for choosing to spend his first week with us. I personally kissed his face, his head, his hands, his feet and his heart 5 billion times. And we collectively cried (our dog Vernon included) for our gratitude and for our sadness more viscerally than we have ever cried before.
We will continue to pray for his birth parents (in-spite of what my ego wants me to feel: anger, fear and disappointment). We will pray. For their health, courage, integrity and highest good so that they may be thoughtful and conscious parents, and ultimately cultivate a world for Lochlan where he may thrive and shine.
And while I know that Chance and I will cry ourselves to sleep for a while, we’re glad it happened. Lochlan made our hearts double in size in the short time that we were blessed to know him.
There’s always a chance his birth parents will change their minds again. And with that on our minds and in our hearts, we will always keep a light on and a space for Lochlan to return to us should he need us. If given the chance, we will choose him once more.
For now, we vow to move forward stronger, prouder, and more open to love than we were before, always in Lochlan’s honor and grace.
We love you, Lochlan. It was an answered prayer to finally meet your gaze and greet your soul. You will live in our hearts forever. And may our love for you be imprinted on your heart for the rest of your exquisite life.
((Of all of the songs in my playlist this was always my special song for you: “Remember Jah,” by Satsang. Jah=God. And while I don’t understand yet why our time was cut so short, I think it’s clear you came here to teach me to Remember Jah. And to trust that when the pain is blinding, deafening and even soul crushing that God has a plan)).
Thank you for being you, Lochlan. And thank you for letting me be your Mom. It has been the best part of my life so far.
I love you. I love you. I love you.
This week was a week of celebration for a young couple that posted on our chosenparentsadoptions.com site . The husband and wife had been together since high school, and knew since before their wedding that they could not have biological children . So, at the end of 2019 they finished their home study and we posted their profile last week.
The week before they were posted a woman that was due to give birth in 3 weeks had contacted us. She was having a healthy Caucasian baby boy . She stated that there had been no drugs , alcohol or smoking during her pregnancy , and her medical records showed testing that was negative for all substances . . The father was with her, and supportive of adoption. They had successfully placed a newborn for adoption 2 years ago. We were the same service that she had used at that time, and it had a very happy ending .
“Laurie” was referred to one of our attorneys and she chose a family that had been trying to adopt for several years. After much discussion , they realized that they were not willing to adopt without a guarantee that she had never had any substance abuse during her pregnancy , We , of course , could not guarantee that , and no one ever could, so we let them know that we could not work with them , and we let “Laurie” know that the family that she had chosen was not willing to move forward. This family had adopted a child previously that had learning disabilities, and they felt that it was due to drug exposure . Their fears of this recurring were not allowing them to proceed, and their past experience kept them unable to commit .
Her next choice was a couple that had had several horrible cases. Three to be exact , and each one of them cost them time, emotion and money . The most recent case was in November . They were so emotionally damaged from the latest failure that they did not feel like they could move forward on another case. It was a very difficult decision for them , and hard on us as well when we so desperately want families that want to add to their families to have a happy ending . We let Laurie know that they just could not move forward and she chose a third family.
The third family saw the posting on our site and sent in their profile. Apparently they either did not read the writing in big red letters that requests that they do not send in their profile if they cannot afford to proceed. Or perhaps they did, but did not care about the request . Needless to say , after choosing them , they admitted that they could not afford to move forward , and Laurie was advised.
Family #4 was chosen and when Laurie asked to talk to them , it was not a good time as they had guests. She took that as a personal rejection and stated that she felt like they didn’t really want a baby as much as their profile led her to believe, so she chose Family #5.
Family #5 , similar to the second family , had three failures. They would have moved forward emotionally , but financially they were no longer able to. Tragically , the cases that did not work out for them , were now the reason that they were unable to move forward on the case that would have worked.
Laurie, by now, was distraught. She had chosen 5 families . Her and the father were wondering if adoption was the right choice for them. Was this a message ? We mentioned the new couple that was posted that morning . After looking at them , they realized that they were the perfect family for their baby.
He was born today . A beautiful, healthy baby boy. The young couple arrived at the hospital shortly after his birth, approximately 10 days after they had their profile posted. We are very happy for this couple who will never really know how heartbreaking and difficult adopting a healthy newborn can be, but our hearts hurt for those that could have….if only…
Chosen Parents has been informed. over the years, of multiple families adopting babies from women from the Marshall Islands. Primarily , we were contacted by Mennonite families that had either adopted themselves, or who knew someone that had.
Our research showed that these expecting mothers were giving birth in the United States, and that there was at least one attorney that was involved with just these types of adoptions . Some of the stories that we heard were concerning , but adoptions were all handled by attorneys, and so there was no reason for Chosen Parents to think anything illegal was happening . Rumors abounded that the women may have been getting pregnant purposely in order to receive monies for giving their babies up for adoption. The attorneys that were involved, we were told, were located in the states of Arkansas and Arizona . It appeared that somehow, this attorney (s) had a connection to these women.
It was all very confusing , as to where these women were coming from , how they were getting in to the country , and why so many were having babies and giving them up for adoption .
All of that changed today when we saw the folowing article .
Apparently , an attorney that was licensed in Arkansas and Arizona, Paul Peterson , who also happens to be the County Assessor in Maricopa County Az, spoke Marshalese and had set up a whole enterprise wherein he brought these pregnant Marshalese women over during the pregnancy , housed them , and then made a lot of money adopting out their newborns. In an impoverished country , the amount of money that these women received would surely encourage others to do the same in order to support their family , or to even go through it multiple times.
It was alleged that he housed more than 15 pregnant women in a house that he owned in Utah , referred to by some as a “baby mill”. Utah authorities stated that almost 3 million dollars was funneled into his bank account due to this “smuggling” operation. It is a very sad story to have to tell a child as to how they found their forever home.
Chosen Parents Adoptions went through the last 600 “matches ” that we have been involved in . ( That is , we referred expecting mothers to attorneys, agencies and facilitators ) . We found that the percentage rate of failed adoptions is 32%- 34% , Meaning that approximately one out of every three of all adoption plans fail at sometime prior to the signing of the consent. We saw no difference in failure rate whether the professional involved was a licensed agency , an attorney or a facilitator, thus we have debunked the myth that agencies have a lower failure rate due to their “extensive ” involvement and oftentimes mandatory counseling. In addition to the 600 that we have first hand knowledge of, we did some research with other professionals and that enforced the 32% -34% overall rate . Our clients are very large national agencies, one or two small agencies agencies, large attorney and small attorney firms. We know those numbers are reason for concern. We did notice that no other adoption service was willing to put these numbers in print , but we believe in transparency . We believe that anyone that is investing emotionally and financially to this degree , should understand the risk involved before moving forward.
These “failures” , or adoption disruptions consist of expecting mothers who had changed their minds within days or weeks of their commitment , those that had changed their minds after months of being matched , and those that had changed their minds after delivery , and even after the family has taken the baby home in some cases. Although the highest placement rate came from women that suffered from substance abuse addictions, we found that in many cases , women with substance abuse issues that could not bring their baby home from the hospital, had allowed the child to go into government foster care with the hopes that they may reunite at a later date rather than allow the family that they had chosen to adopt the baby. Women that have placed children for adoption multiple times changed their minds for a third or fourth adoption plan. In addidtion , we found that women that made an adoption plan early in pregnancy were no more likely to disrupt than those that made a plan late in pregnancy. We realize that some of these women may have never had any intention of placement , but have no way of knowing who they were , so they are lumped in with the ones that may have had every intention of placing .
In closing , there is never any way of knowing which case is going to be successful, and which one will not be. We encourage everyone to be optimistic , but to remember that the maternal instinct is extremely powerful, and not even the expectant mother may know how she is going to feel .
Surprisingly , there is a program that is in place that may help you financially in your adoption journey. The program allows for a monthy dollar amount as well as possible partial payment for agency/attorney fees. The program is set up only for situations wherein the child was likely to have been placed into the foster care system , as in the fact that the mother is homeless, suffers mental illness or substance abuse issues, etc. Obviously , if you are looking to adopt but are not open to these types of cases, then this would not be an option for your adoption. There are some hoops to jump through, but if you have the time, and if you are low on funds, it may be very well worth your while.
“State funded adoption assistance ” may be available for a child that you adopt privately, not just through the state’s foster care system. Every state has different stipulations, and here is a link (option A) That will tell you what those stipulations are.
It appears that , in most cases, a licensed child placement needs to be involved, rather than just an attorney .The agency should be what is termed Title IV-E approved, meaning that the agency is approved by the state to assist in state foster care. Aside form the agency, this program appears to allow for the state to pay for 1/2 of the attorney fees as well. Here is a link to the American bar Association.
Chosen Parents reached out to a licensed agency in the state of California who is a participant in this program , and they validated that , indeed, this is available. They stated that they had not done a lot of these cases . only 4 or so as it was time consuming and there tends to be some roadblocks. It could also be , that most adopting parents don’t know about this program. If you contact your adoption attorney to inquire , don’t be surprised if they have no knowledge , as we had never heard of it until now and we have been in business for 35 years. In addition , none of the adoption attorneys that we work with were aware of it. Instead, contact a large agency that also deals with foster care in your state.
If an adopting parent located their own child to adopt and the child qualified for the state adoption assistance program and then received a tax credit of up to $14080.00 , the answer to the question, “Can we adopt for free or very low cost ?” could very well be yes.
In addition there are services that make loans for those that are seeking to adopt. https://lendedu.com/blog/using-personal-loans-for-adoption-financing This is a link that was forwarded to us to post and that can explain the loans that are available.
If you are a Christian family seeking to adopt, and like so many others are struggling to be able to financially afford to adopt, we want to direct yout o an organization that can assist you . https://lifesong.org/adoption/ . They give grants , loans, and fundraisers. They are experts in assisting you find finances in order to adopt.
We are pleased to announce that Chosen Parents Adoptions is now approved to be able to assist families in the state of New York in their efforts to adopt. To have a profile posted on our sister site Chosenparentsadoptions.com send us an email at [email protected] More information for adopting families can be found at chosenparents.com on the home page .
Just when we thought we had seen or heard every possible type of adoption scam , a new one pops up. Last week we were contacted by an adoption attorney who was concerned . She asked us if we had ever heard of an attorney in the state of Nevada by the name Adam Gough. She sent us a a link to his website , and explained that he had been contacting adopting couples directly through their advertising efforts stating that he had “many adoption situations” available.
The attorney that contacted me had never heard of this guy .Subsequently she could find no law license for him in the state of Nevada where he purported to be. We did some research and found that the photo used on the site was stolen from the site of a criminal attorney by another name in Kentucky . The entire set up is fraudulent and we want people to be warned. We only post situations on our site who have been verified as legal adoption entities.